lazer_rain

My shit is not together, period.
Everything's just waiting to be a big, unnecessary mess.
My grades in two classes are ridiculous, and I don't even have
the heart for one of them anymore.
I have doubts.
About a lot of random things.
All I want is for all of this to be over.
I want a break, to just recollect everything.
Lets all go on a trip, or something?

=/

Fuck your shit.

Every clique is the same, every genre, every face. It finally fucking happened. Individuality, anonymity, that's all gone. It's all carbon copy and omniscient. We're all proud to claim the face, the look, the clothes, the scene that all has the same purpose as everyone elses now. No, not "the" fucking scene, just yours. Mosh and pussy dance yourselves into a static hell. We're all just noise, every face and empty body, producing familiar beats and nonsense.

It all died and we all just stole it's fucking coffin.

Could I stop going through the motions, for like a day, two, three? I don't care how long. Just, soon, and for a decent amount of time. We all need to throw away the sheets and sleep on the floor once in our lives, but I think I already know how it's going to feel.

wakeupschoollunchschoolhomesleep

recent obsessions with figurative language and images with words.

where's my balance and disorder?

I'm sure there's a simple solution.

So, valentines day is..soon? I'm assuming as much, that or it happened or something. Either way, it's nothing fantastic, never really is. Besides that, no other updates. I've survived the "snow storm" so far, but it's nothing worth writing home about. That's it.

4 LP set, includes the Frances The Mute/Widow (Live Acoustic) split, all printed on glow in the dark. Fucking hot.

[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v410/skeith91/FrancesOne.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v410/skeith91/FrancesCover.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v410/skeith91/FranceVinyl.jpg[/IMG]

did you hear that?

hear what?

a sort of strange, haunting music.
it's been coming in on an interstellar frequency,
as if it were some sort of message, perhaps a call for help?


hijack

Not a whole lot going on lately, expect this post to be filled with useless information and to have no true focal point.

Things are kicking off with the whole side project and what not, well at least I hope they are. I should probably apologize for a few minor inconveniences that have crippled the progress and the experience along the way, but I'm pretty sure they're fairly obvious, and that we've all moved past them. Besides that, we've come to a basic understanding as to what's going down and how it's most likely going to go down. We need to scope out a few people first, that'll probably be one of the more grueling tasks. I think what'll be most grueling about it though is that fact that we'll have to convince them this actually going somewhere, even though most of these picking itself up as it falls along the way. Ideas are constantly scraped, new ones brought into play, old ones reused. Plus, we have at least allow them to assume we have some basic, yet promising, experience in the field. I need this more than he does, but we still need to be able to work and think together at a similar level before any promises can be made. Along with all of that (the list goes on), people may not be too happy with the way the project should be "orchestrated", it's not conventional, at all. Perhaps we don't have as much of a grip on this as we think? Either it works for us in the end, and at least this time we know what we want more than we ever really have. All in all, hours of practice (at least a 3-4 week crash course) will be needed before any permanent adjustments are made.

AS for my association with the Terroristocrats, etc. I offered to do merchandise and book shows for 20% of all merchandise profits at each show. I'm almost promised the position, though someone else is apparently already "on the job" shirt wise, but this is utterly out of spite and hatred, so I'm hoping to help out any way I can.

The job situation is now a whirlwind of confusion. I'm still devoted to CI, and I'm planning to present my proposition to Jeremy once and for all, once I figure out what to say. I really like the store and what it stands for, and I'm confident I'd work much harder there than anywhere else, responsibility and trust is what's keeping me down, plus the age, though he's shown he'll bend the rules here and there. As for weis, they're douchebags, it's that simple. I don't want that environment, so I'd rather apply at Giant or somewhere else if this whole CI plan doesn't work out.

In other news, I need to get my permit before my physical expires. I also worry that my vision may affect me obtaining my permit. I had a drastic change this year and wasn't capable of reading the bottom two standard lines on the chart. Though my vision is fine in other areas and aspects, this is going to be a problem. Handicapped vision is practically hereditary in my family, I'll eventually need some form of help or contacts, etc., down the road.

School sucks, by the way. I hate history, and fucking spanish is a pain in my ass. I like the class (it's seriously weird, my entire out look on it changes the second I sit down in the room), but I hate the work. Then, practically having a remedial math class is even more embarassing. I think whats even worse is that I actually fucked up on a question or two, I feel fucking retarded.

Other news, I feel rushed with some things. I can't wait for the year to end, but that's a half and half situation. I also haven't gotten around to doing anything with writing or the whole digital art deal. I've been working this whole new style concept but that flopped and now I'm stuck with a bunch of MS Paint looking, amateur bullshit. I'm not really inspired to do much, which is a shame. Then, the whole scholastic deal. I'm not really pissed, I guess it just kind of sucked I could never enter it, kind of seems like it went to waste.

That's all for now.

So, I guess things are pulling together now. I'm hoping I have that job at weis, and I go for the permit in two weeks. Besides that, more creative things have come back into play I guess. Fliers for future Terroristocrats/Dreams Prevail shows will be made and circulating about, and as an added side bonus, I guess, I'll finally be "playing" as a member of DP along with Brenden and Fagboy. To lengthen the long chain of events, Frank's having me do the artwork and booklet pages for the 7 (or 10) he's pressing in months to come (I'm hoping). Anyways, this keeps me active and I kind of enjoy it, I finally get to pick up the drums more frequently again, along with any other random shit they need me to do, and I get to dick around on macromedia and other stuff. So, it's good. Below is an image for the booklet, depicts the song "Make Believe".

getting a permit means:

* getting a job at weis
* handling money
* paying for gas
* frequently working at said job
* balancing work with homework
* actually doing my homework (and not at the last minute)
* actually, sadly, having a schedule
* probably putting away money for college/other expenses
* paying insurance
* starting a whole new routine

I didn't think that a lot of things would change in the long run
when I actually reached this age. But, it seems like a lot of things
are only just beginning.

godamnit responsibility.

This week's been pretty slow so far, but I guess other things are back on track. I've started doing shit again with deviantart, it's been awhile since I've actually made anything productive or posted anything on there. There's at least two in the making right now, and three to come, but one is finished. I just took a few pictures of haras' face and messed around with it.

I don't even know how big this shit is gonna be, and I'm way too lazy to make a link, so here's the final result.

ashley burnz (I spelled that wrong, probably).

If you ever come to the point of reading this, somehow, do my layout.

-----------

In other news, New Years fucking sucked. The cable was out, I was not "partying", I was sleeping, I was in "africa". I've never had a new years party that was memorable, I don't think I've even had a new years party to begin with. I figure I should probably get around to this someday, but all I really as is "why"? There's too much noise, people are incoherent, and you're never around someone you like at that point. This could be a hypocritical statement, though. Maybe if I tried it I'd

It's all good, for now, and hopefully for a long time.

You're all FUCKING doucebags.

p.s. For anyone who frequently reads this, it is in no way referencing you.

I've put off writing a research paper for what, a week now? I have the option of turning it in either tomorrow, or Friday. So, am I a lazy piece of shit?

I do, for real. Because, you know, if you're "hopeless" and "weak" you should "take up new habits and interests that defy your skin tight pants, and anti-social comfort zones". That, and you should "stop over analyzing because it is a fucking waste of time and will get you nowhere". I love hearing idiots spew contradictory comments and beliefs, all in some desperate attempt to look cool or get the attention of others. That, and I just love reading every inch of that three-hour-planned paragraph they call a rant or a "message".

I should probably pick up some kind of winter activity or something, I need toget active. I feel really gross and lazy, I haven't even really had an appetite for the past few days, and I've just been blowing shit off until the last minute. I need to pick up the pace here and start getting things back together again.

Oh yea, this shit needs like a layout or something too, looks really cheap.

I guess this is a topic that is endlessly being turned over in our heads, maybe even in older age. But, the future's kind of scaring me. I'm nowhere near it, but I am. There's only two more years left of this shit, followed with (at the moment) countless more. I doubt myself. I don't know what it is, but everything seems real bland right now. I don't even know how that has to do with the topic, but it just does. I'm unhappy with things, I don't like predictions of what is to come; everything is pretty much lifeless. It all seems so fine on the outside, and nothing seems that bad on the inside either. But things are crumbling down, that's apparent. There's just feeling of fear, anxiety. I don't know, this doesn't really make a lot of sense.

Ok, so, this isn't what I wrote to beging with (it isn't even in the same area). But, I wrote it today anyways. I'm not normally a poetry guy, but I can pull it out every now and then; these are pretty much "lyrics" anyways. It started out as this joke that was semi-serious, so I got bored and did this, and it actually makes a serious point haha. It's pretty much about how a lot of kids like to say they're gay for the shock value and attention; but at the same time people that actually do struggle with the issue are doing the same thing (just vice versa, and it's pretty much justified on their behalf).

Straight is the new Gay.

a false eyelash bat mocks your strut.
peacockish slurr peels the skin of dull, baroque rainbows.
cover up! cover up!
a hetero-sleuth disguised as a glamour spy.
a jewled, erect sword (it's really plastic!)
cover up! cover up!
glamour spy takes off the merry-go-round tutu;
pulls up a pair of concrete jeans.
Straps on a neck-tie of porno magazines (hetero!)

hetero-sleuth's a glamour spy!
glamour spy's a hetero-sleuth!
hetero spy's a glamour sleuth!

sexual-androgyne's an obvious recluse.

I stayed up later to write shit, and it's still not done (this shit won't be for awhile, one of those ongoing deals). It'll be up tomorrow (or today for those who read this, primarily it'll be up by wednesday). Not that it's important or anything, I just needed something to pass the time by; and I really have nowhere to put most of this shit.

SO, I guess I better get started with this thing. Not that I find it an obligation, but it'd be nice to actually use it. I had one of these years back, but sort of neglected it and what not; so I figured I'd "pay my respects" or what have you and get back into it. I've also just been meaning to get something where I can write shit down, talk about my day, all that jazz. So, I guess I should let the updates flow.

The last couple of days were pretty good, friday night was great. Starbucks, the park, goodwill and holly's house; not to mention degrassi haha. Saturday, sushi never happened, but it still wasn't so bad. Went down to brendens around two and hung out there, then went to the movies to meet up with Keat, Jeff and a few other kids. Saw Employee of the Month; fucking sucked. I don't really give a shit what people say, but dane cook pisses me off. I just don't find him funny. But, it wasn't really the fact that he was in the movie that made it bad, it was just a really bad movie. So, after that we went up to burger king, saw "hobbles" again haha. Went back to Brendens, listened to vinyls and just sort of chilled. Then today I had to go to my uncles birthday party for a little while.

It's funny because, all of this is keeping me from researching/writing my speech for English, which I will have to present in about a day. Fuck homework. No, but seriously, I should probably do it.